Hoping Santa has been good to you!

Hello!

Well as you can tell by the pictures below, I finally found my camera again, and just in time to take it to Germany with me on 12th for my visit to my Great Aunt in Bruehl (near Cologne)! It's been a very full few weeks since I last wrote, mainly taken up with studies (first essay writing, and now revision for exams on 7th-9th Jan), but also with lots of caroling, which will surprise no-one! Mum and I also managed to pull off a very successful neighbourhood mulled wine and mince pie party on 16th, helped enormously by Sylvia and Julian whose services we engaged for the afternoon to help us keep the kitchen from imploding and generally look after the huge number of people who somehow squeezed into our humble home for the occasion! I think it was the first time in our long history of these Christmas 'block parties' that Mum actually managed just to sit back and chat with people - wonderful! :)

In other news, faced by the overwhelming amount of catch-up I need to achieve in order to pass even the first level of Biochemistry required for this degree, I made an executive decision not to turn in the assignment for this module, but to focus on my other subjects, as well as revision for the Biochemistry exam. The upshot of this is that I will not be able to pass the Biochemistry 1 module until August/September at the earliest, and since this module is a prerequisite for many other modules in the degree, I have no choice but to go part-time with my studies from February 2008. I very much intend to make use of this 'twist of fate' as an opportunity to teach more yoga. Look out world! ;)

Anyway, I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas, without too much stress and I wish you all a Happy & Healthy 2008! M xx


Christmas tree at 36YR (and yes the candles ARE real! :)


A tiny tot enjoying some impromptu caroling at the Bruehler Weihnachtsmarkt


We arrived at Wellhead on Christmas Day to be greeted by this fabulous sunset..

in fact, for the whole journey West we had been under the most extraordinary 'highway' of cloud, which ended only very close to the horizon, so that as the sun began to set, the rays of light formed a sort of halo around the curvature of the earth. It was quite stunning!

Then, on Boxing Day morning, as I got up to get an hour of revision in before breakfast...

Sunrise at Wellhead, Boxing Day morning

Essays, concerts and the run up to Christmas..

This pretty much sums up my life at the moment. When last I wrote I was contorting my little grey cells over my anatomy essay. Since then, I have endured another week of seminars at the Stratford campus (starting on a Monday morning with advanced biochemistry - cruel world!!), performed in two concerts, Vivaldi Gloria and Verdi Requiem, singing a small solo part in the former, and made the bulk of the arrangements for our mulled wine and mince pie Open House here at 36YR on 16th Dec. Now I am facing the prospect of having to turn in 4 assignments by 11th December.. oh joy!

The concerts went really well, which was wonderful, especially the Verdi Requiem at Southwark cathedral, which was a veritable triumph, both from the point of view of the charity we were supporting (the Lin Berwick Trust), for whom we raised over £11,600, as well as from a musical point of view. One change you will notice in my blog is the lack of photos, as almost immediately after I took the photo below, my camera decided to go into hibernation somewhere in the house... Perhaps it will turn up in the frantic clear-up prior to the festivities in a few weeks time? Fingers crossed! M xx


Night ride through Knightsbridge 16th Nov'07

Using a brain to describe a brain..

is what my Anatomy assignment requires me to do, and as the deadline is 4pm tomorrow, I'm now under a self-enforced house-arrest until I get the thing done! :) In fact, I'm not quite sure why, but I feel as though my body needs a great deal of extra sleep or recuperation this week, though from what I don't know! A busy life I guess :) I often find myself waking at 7:15 and thinking, "no thanks" and then waking up over an hour later, obviously having needed the extra time! Though life without employment obviously has its own very real anxieties, I am so grateful I no longer have to be at a desk by 7:30am! Now that I am learning more about the body and how it functions, I am convinced that 'burn out' is not just an empty phrase; but means exactly what it says at a cellular level, if you don't allow yourself enough recuperation from the stresses and strains of life. Did you know for example that the brain generates much more protein when you are asleep than when you are awake?

Anyway, that's quite enough nerdy stuff from me! :) I'll end with a few photos from the birthday celebrations and wish you all a very good weekend (and plenty of sleep)!

M xx


Birthday Rose and all my cards :)


Scones and Cake at the Orangerie, Kensington Palace


Half the group that came to the birthday tea (I was tardy with the photo taking!)


Again.. only half the group that came to the birthday dinner at Tas


The Guitarist at Tas who played Happy Birthday for me as the restaurant staff brought in a cake with a candle on top!

Birthday week

Or should I say.. birthday month?! November is always a very busy birthday month in this family and we kicked off on Wednesday night with my ever-youthful Uncle's 57th, for which I was tasked to find a decent restaurant.. in Woking (Sorry Woking, but you have the habit of running most of the decent places out of town. I walked past several "closed down" signs before I found something decent AND still in business)! As it happens, Woking does excel in Indian cuisine, and that's what we went for in the end; a place called Thali Thali - very delicious. Anyway, quite apart from the cuisine, we were honoured by my Dad's presence, which was fab as he normally resides across the pond in Virginia. This meant that I could start my own birthday celebrations (coming up on Sat) a few days early, by opening the gifts from Dad and my Uncle. Today I am going to spend the whole day over in Stratford at the campus library, for some hard work before the partying begins tomorrow. Have a great weekend! M xx



Mum & I at 36YR

OK! OK!...

Autumn colours, York Rd, Woking

In my defence I can only cite the fact that we are having a record long Autumn here in the UK (and apparently in Germany too, according to my relatives there). I just can't help myself! I.. must... take.. pictures...of...multicoloured foliage... aaaaaaargghhhh ;) Have a good week and enjoy the last of these leaves :) M xx


Autumn colours, Woking Park (again)


Autumn colours, Woking Park (yet again)

I just can't stop taking Autumn scenes!

Sorry.. but I just couldn't resist :) For more beautiful Autumn light and turning leaves in Wiltshire, just click on the photo. Have a great week. Oh and, those of you who have the dreaded flu already, get well!! Those of you who haven't caught it yet, stay away from those who have.. if you can. Take care. M xx

Going back to.. play school??

So at the end of a 6 day marathon of lectures and seminars on clinical practice and biochemistry etc., I ended up playing with play-dough yesterday! No it wasn't an Ann Summers party, it was our Anatomy seminar and to show that we understood the material we had been taught in the morning, we were asked to recreate the embryo at various stages of early development with brightly coloured (and may I say rather dangerously tasty smelling - like marzipan!) play-dough. Bizarre perhaps, but strangely fun and certainly effective. I won't forget any of this come exam time in January!

"Season of mists and mellow fruitfulness!"

After a Summer that never really was, last week brought us an unashamedly characteristic Autumn, with brisk, chilly mornings, conkers crushed underfoot and bounteous berries and other signs of harvest time. So here's one of my favourite poems in celebration of a proper season at last!

To Autumn by John Keats

SEASON of mists and mellow fruitfulness!
Close bosom-friend of the maturing sun;
Conspiring with him how to load and bless
With fruit the vines that round the thatch-eaves run;
To bend with apples the moss'd cottage-trees, 5
And fill all fruit with ripeness to the core;
To swell the gourd, and plump the hazel shells
With a sweet kernel; to set budding more,
And still more, later flowers for the bees,
Until they think warm days will never cease, 10
For Summer has o'er-brimm'd their clammy cells.


Granny's veg patch

Who hath not seen thee oft amid thy store?
Sometimes whoever seeks abroad may find
Thee sitting careless on a granary floor,
Thy hair soft-lifted by the winnowing wind; 15
Or on a half-reap'd furrow sound asleep,
Drowsed with the fume of poppies, while thy hook
Spares the next swath and all its twinèd flowers;
And sometimes like a gleaner thou dost keep
Steady thy laden head across a brook; 20
Or by a cider-press, with patient look,
Thou watchest the last oozings hours by hours.


Sunset, Wellhead


A successful fetch! Prospect Park, Reading

Where are the songs of Spring? Ay, where are they?
Think not of them, thou hast thy music too,—
While barrèd clouds bloom the soft-dying day, 25
And touch the stubble-plains with rosy hue;
Then in a wailful choir the small gnats mourn
Among the river sallows, borne aloft
Or sinking as the light wind lives or dies;
And full-grown lambs loud bleat from hilly bourn; 30
Hedge-crickets sing; and now with treble soft
The redbreast whistles from a garden-croft;
And gathering swallows twitter in the skies.


Sunset, Prospect Park, Reading

My new haircut

.. now significantly less 'fancy' minus the salon-fresh mousse effect! ;)


Haircut by Sun from Korea at Vidal Sassoon's advanced academy, London

just because..

possibly the last garden roses this season - enjoy!

The value of a greasy spoon..

Conkers :)

As usual, it feels as though time is beginning to gallop away from me! I'm now into the third week of the semester and our assignments have been released. This means I have only 6 weeks to go until my first deadline and 9 weeks untill all the other essays have to be in (four in total). In the meantime, I have barely begun to get stuck into the required course reading and I have a whole week of seminars coming up in two weeks time. My only consolation at this point is that I am at least firmly on track to complete the 100 clinical training hours required for my clinical practice model, having completed 39hrs so far. By the end of this week, I will have completed more than 50, which will hopefully leave me with more time later in the semester to blitz these essays and get all the reading done..



Grasses, Woking Park

Anyway, attending clinic has been a bit like being back at work again. We are expected to dress professionally, which for me means wearing something similar to what I wore in the City, including high heels (how DID I do this every day for so long??!), donning white coats only for the portion of the day in which we see patients (generally between 10:00 and 14:00). It also means a return to the dreaded commute! Having tried aiming for a 09:30 arrival in Stratford, which resulted in cattle-truck like conditions all the way from leafy Surrey to the East End, I decided - never again! So now I get up at 06:00 on Thursdays and Fridays and arrive at campus at 08:00. Having been introduced to the local "greasy spoon" by our clinic supervisor, I now find myself every morning before clinic on what could easily be the set of "Eastenders", feeling very much the 'posh chick' as I order my mug of builders' tea and egg on toast :) A filling breakfast by the way, is absolutely necessary before clinic, as we students often don't get released for lunch until the last patient's medicine has been dispensed and they have been sent happily on their way. This is sometimes not achieved until nigh on 14:30!

On a musical note, I had pleasure of performing the Messiah with my choir (and friends) at St. John on Bethnal Green this last Saturday. The soloists were absolutely superb, as usual, and I think we're making a great sound as a choir at the moment too, which makes it all the more fun. which reminds me.. Please do put Friday 23rd November in your diaries for our Verdi Requiem at Southwark Cathedral. It's going to be fantastic :)


Autumn scene

The thrill of a High C

and I'm not talking about one of those little packets of coloured crystals in health food shops which claim to provide all the vitamins you need in one day.. I'm talking about the heady heights you reach when you produce a sound - seemingly from out of nowhere, but, somewhat improbably, from two folds of flesh vibrating in your throat - that matches the note you get when you hit the key on your piano representing C.. above C.. above middle C. For anyone unfamiliar with the piano keyboard, that's very, very, very high..

Now I'm not one to gloat about being a soprano. I wouldn't say I play it down exactly.. but anyone who has been in a choir will be familiar with the jibes about sopranos having the easiest time, only having to 'sing the tune' after all. No doubt other, less generous (and perhaps unprintable) things have been said about our kind, and on the whole I have tended to keep my head down, play humble and generally avoid being sucked into any heated, inter-voice warfare, but tonight I was proud, AM proud to be a 'sop'! Fearlessly we opened our Verdi Reqiuem scores at the final movement, knowing there could be no turning back, and that we must prevail, or risk bringing shame on all our sisters. As the movement rose in intensity, we approached the final ascent, and with a fresh gulp of air in our lungs for our only support, prevail we did, on high C, for two and a half, LONG bars. It was an incredible feeling! In fact I can't remember singing a high C (or even attempting one) since I last sang the Verdi Requiem with the Bryanston Choral Society when I was about 15. I was elated still to be able to reach it. Far from flinging rotten tomatoes, the rest of the choir actually applauded. Perhaps we sopranos will be able to hold our heads high a while.. at least until the Christmas carol season is upon us, when we will be carrying the inevitable 'tune' once more :)


My university campus last week, in the Autumn light

Organic beetroot, cucumber, carrot, apple and daikon salad

..which I duly consumed with another Autumnally orange food.. a baked sweet potato - yum :)

On (yet another) music high!

Well I've just come back from the most amazing seven hour concert at the shiny new Royal Festival Hall, and despite the lateness (or earliness even..) of the hour, I feel as fresh as when the concert began! The concert was called "From Raj to the Republic" and featured several famous artists (including Ravi Shankar and his daughter, Anoushka Shankar) playing classical Indian music in celebration of the 60th anniversary of India's independence. Just fabulous :)


New sculpture outside the Royal Festival Hall


Sculpture with seasonal sniffles!


To go with tonight's Indian theme, here's the outfit I wore to A&G's wedding in Delhi a few years ago.

Memory Lane

I had an unexpected trip down memory lane this weekend, when during a visit to the Sivananda Yoga centre in Putney (where I hope to get teach yoga before long), I had the opportunity to go for a lovely walk along the Thames. Not only did it bring back memories of happy years spent living not far away on the other side of the river in 52QM, but also of the three years I spent rowing at high school. From a fitness point of view, they were surely the best years of my life so far (though if I keep the yoga practice up, I hope to reach those heady heights once more! :). They also afforded plenty of time out in the fresh air (OK yes, and the driving rain and the cold too.. not to mention at the mercy of the dreaded, blood-sucking flies known to us as "Blanny Bombers"!) connecting with nature, and although all our practice time was spent on the River Stour in Dorset, most of our races took place right here on the Thames. For some of them, I was actually the cox, rather than a rower, so I recall the care I would have to take navigating my charges under the many bridges of the Thames, including this one, Putney bridge.

When looking upon this scene though, I noticed one crucial difference between the rowing clubs dotted along this part of the Thames (I think I counted at least four) and our little boat house and dock in Dorset, and that is the sheer distance you have to cover to get the boat from the boat house into the water here in London. The photo shows barely a quarter of the slope these girls are about to have to trek up with a great, hulking boat slicing into their already exhausted shoulder muscles.. and we had no need for wearing wellies either, where I learned to row. We just lowered the boat gently into the water from the safety of a horizontal - and dry - dock! So, dear Reader, call me a wimp if you please, but in case you should ask yourself why I never took up rowing again back in London, this photo says it all! I was just too pampered back on our small but in many ways perfect River Stour :)


Young rowers on the Thames at Putney

Mel cooks (honestly - she does! Occasionally..)

Inspired by the delicious food pics on a friend's blog (you know who you are - I'm v. impressed!), I am going to start posting photos of my own culinary successes - as and when they arise! Constructive tips, recipes etc., most welcome.. but keep the rotten tomatoes to yourselves :) M xx


Baked butternut squash with stir-fried courgettes (zucchini) and asparagus tips

'Tis the season for wearing hats and scarves

It has turned decidedly Autumnal over here, with the mornings proving particularly chilly. I have already had (I use the past tense slightly prematurely perhaps, but with a view to being positive!) my first snuffles of the season and have been wearing my winter coat from day 1. Yesterday I started wearing a scarf and today my woolly hat will get its first outing of the year. That's not to say we are not enjoying gorgeous sunshine, but the sky is a crisp blue and there is "Winter on the breeze", as an old song by Melanie Safka goes. I got my first organic box in a long time yesterday and much to my delight, it contained a Butternut Squash! You can't get more Autumnal than that :) I plan to to cut it in half and bake it in the oven tonight. Anyone know any clever ways to season it, or stuff it even?

I realised after my last posting that I was still in 'catch up' mode after my prolonged period of Internet isolation in the Summer and that I had in fact not mentioned anything about what is going on here and now. Well, other than the snuffles (which by the way did not prevent me from trekking across to East London for choir practice last night - Vive le Verdi Requiem - oh joy! :), I had my first day of clinical training at the UEL Herbal Medicine clinic last Thursday. In fact, I was supposed to attend on Friday as well, but slept through my alarm clock (oops!) so didn't.. ho hum. Anyway, the 100 clinical training hours I have to put in over the next semester will form an essential part of my Clinical Practice 1 module and involve observing patient consultations, learning diagnostic methods (by practice palpation, percussion etc. on fellow students), finding my way around the dispensary etc. So on Thursday, luck would have it that the first patient I was able to observe was practically a textbook case for a rookie herbalist! A child with a skin condition who has been told by the orthodox medics that there is as yet no cure for the condition, comes to the Herbal clinic earlier this year. Having bravely taken the prescribed herbal medicine all summer (herbal tinctures don't tend to taste that great!), a distinct improvement can be seen - Not exactly magic, mystery or miracle, but a clear example of what will make my studies worthwhile going forward. Here's hoping for many more cases like this one :)

The week ahead looks fairly quiet so far, apart from a long awaited jam session on Friday :) Happy Autumn days M xx


Jam session at M's flat, 15th June '07

Back in leafy Surrey, and some photos to show at last

View at dusk from the Winter Garden, World Financial Centre, NYC


Auberge de Paris, which I mentioned earlier - my accommodation in Montreal prior to the yoga course


My abode for 4 weeks at the Sivananda Ashram,Val Morin, Quebec - amazingly, the flower garden was even more spectacular than last year, thanks to Ambika Chaitanya's efforts!


The view from my single room (ne'er was money so well spent as when I upgraded from the dorm to a single. I got precious little sleep as it was!)


Me in front of Samadhi Estates, where Swami Vishnu Devananda lived for many years.


Back in Montreal, I climbed Mont Royal to get this view of the city and the St. Lawrence river


I returned to one of my favourite sculptures in Montreal. Funny.. I hadn't spotted this chap last time!


Back in NYC for a few days, I took advantage of the free drop-in yoga classes at the Sivananda Centre on W24th St. A veritable haven of calm :)


L thoughtfully suggests we have dinner at an Indian restaurant where I can indulge in vegetarian food (in this case a scrumptious dosa with celantro chutney - yum!) as I am still not in the mood for meat or alcohol at this point

I'm back!!!

What? Who?! You may well ask... I've been incommunicado so long by today's instant messaging standards that you could be forgiven for asking if I still exist? In fact the whole question of existence and what is in fact 'real' is one I found myself addressing on a regular basis throughout the month of August, courtesy of the in-depth yoga course I took in a very leafy, idyllic - but a) out of cell phone range and b) too small a place to support anything approaching an internet cafe! - part of Quebec, Canada. For those of you who don't know, I took a Yoga teacher training course at the very same place in July of last year and (last year's schedule clearly not having been punishing enough!) I decided to come back for more and do the advanced teacher training course for 4 weeks this August.

This is how my daily schedule went:

4:30 am Wake-up
5 am Pranayama - Excercises to control the breath/vital energy. On the whole, I am pretty hopeless at this! The excercises involve controlling your breathing so that you can not only hold your breath for a considerable length of time, but also lengthen out the exhalation.. and then do this over and over again without getting distracted or panicking that you are not getting enough air. Needless to say I could not keep up with the group and decided to take things at my own pace and actually succeeded in making a little progress that way!

6 am Satsang - 20-30mins meditation, followed by chanting, followed by an address (something akin to a sermon). I was much more comfortable with Satsang this time around, having had the 4 week course last year to get used to a) sitting still in a cross-legged position for the meditation part and b) chanting stuff I don't understand in Sanskrit. Now I just see it a bit like going to church twice a day for a month - an unusual, but not unpleasant occurrence!

8 am Asana Practice - tying yourself in knots and standing on your head etc. while generally trying to maintain decorum and not look too silly :) I think for most of us, this was our favourite part of the course. It gave our poor philosophy-drenched brains a break!

9 am Anatomy and Physiology - nice bit of revision for my Herbal medicine course!

10 am Brunch - broccoli, broccoli and more broccoli? Oh joy..

11 am Karma Yoga - an unkind interpretation of this would be "unpaid work around the Ashram" ;) Seen in a positive light it is a way of making yourself a better person by learning to serve others selflessly. And then there's the whole grey area between.. As for me, this time around I was assigned the job of cleaning the bathrooms in my block and was amazingly zen about it, even when I arrived in the men's bathroom for the nth time to find it looking like a war zone.. I don't think this yogic calm will translate back into the real world, but we'll see!

12 noon Raja Yoga (we studied the Yoga Sutras as compiled by Patanjali Maharishi)/Sanskrit (we learned to write and read the Sanskrit characters - I loved this part of the course! The characters are actually very pleasing to draw and it was amazing to be able to look at the yoga sutras in the original and decipher some of them)

2 pm Vedanta (Essential philosophy behind yoga - VERY deep but very rewarding.. if and when you actually get it!)

4 pm Asanas and Pranayama
6 pm Dinner
8 pm Satsang

It's hard to describe the impact these four weeks have had but one of the stranger effects has been to dampen my appetite for meat/fish and alcohol. I wouldn't say I have developed an aversion to either of these (in fact I have by now had a little of both!), but it simply is not something I hanker after at the moment. Perhaps a few months back in London will retoxify me to the point where I start to crave them again, but in the mean time, I guess any of you looking for a friendly yoga teacher and/or designated driver may have a new resource at your disposal - watch this space :)

I have lots of photos from my time in Canada and in New York and Montreal (where I broke my journey on the way there and back), but at this point technology is not playing ball and I can only post a couple. When I am back at home I will post more pictures and fill in a few more details about my Summer.

In the mean time, I will wish you all well as I enjoy my last couple of days here at Dad's before I fly back to London and the start of my clinical training (starting Thursday and Friday). M xx


View at dusk from Battery Park, NYC


Sivananda Yoga Advanced Teacher Training Course, Val Morin (class of 2007). The teachers are mainly in the middle row (and top right) and I was struggling to keep my eyes open in the glare of the morning sun!

Quick hello

before I head up to Val Morin tomorrow for the yoga. It's been an absolutely sweltering day here in Montreal, not as hot as Sicily (which topped 45 C at one point!), but at a humid 40 C, you can hardly call it mild! I managed to pass the day quite pleasantly nevertheless, by picking up a few extra yoga supplies, including a "hot mat" (how appropriate!) and loads of light cotton exercise clothing as even in the mountains it is sure to be very warm, and taking a friend out to lunch on the ueber-trendy Rue St. Denis (pronounced 'denniiiiiiiee" in Quebecois French). Now I am waiting at the not-so-aptly named Hotel de Paris (I struggle to believe the Parisians would pass off a room so grim for 75 Canadian and be shameless enough to put the name of their beloved City to it) for my good friend and yogini extraordinaire, Ms. Takei, to arrive off her gruelling multi-stop flight from Japan so that we can go out to dinner. Off to Val Morin at 9 tomorrow. Probably won't be able to post until next Friday. Have a great week! M xx

Off up North

and finally the rain came down in Falls Church, Virginia, as Londoners experienced their first sunny afternoon in what seemed like years..

but not until Dad, M and I had made it safely to the Mall (not shopping (!), but the huge, long strip of grass with the Washington monument at one end that is lined with an impressive number of world-class art galleries and museums that are completely free to the public) and back, and also out to Roslyn to see the "Bodies" exhibition. I was initially a bit skeptical about this exhibition, believing it to be the work of Gunther von Hagens, who had some bad press with his Body Worlds exhibition some years back. However, this exhibition is apparently quite unrelated (other than perhaps with regard to the technique used to prepare the specimens?) and was quite fantastic. The whole exhibition is laid out in such a way that you are effectively walking through a sort of "Beginners Guide to Anatomy" in 3D. The body specimens are sensitively portrayed so that (I think) even the squeamish (which includes me!) could not object and it's very educational. I would recommend anyone with even the vaguest interest in Medicine to go and see it. Unless you are planning to train as a doctor and therefore dissect bodies at Med school, this is probably the only chance you will ever get to see the inside of the body as it really is.

By the way, I have included a new link on the blog to flickr, where I am beginning to house all my photographs. I am afraid I have not got around to labeling each and every one, but I include a brief summary at the beginning of each 'set' of pictures. So please feel free to browse and email me if you want to know what a particular photo is about. Also, some of you may have noticed that I have included a link to Facebook, the latest time-devouring addiction to sweep the globe! I found this article in the Washington Post the other day that describes the phenomenon quite amusingly. (In case you need to register for this, I include the article at the end of this posting)

Off to NY today, then Montreal tomorrow, then up to the Ashram on Friday to begin my four weeks of... hard work.. well some detoxification and lots of yoga anyway! :) Click here to see my gruelling schedule..


"Great Britons" at Washington's National Portrait Gallery


Independence Avenue, Washington DC


Names of victims, Holocaust Museum, Washington DC


Dad's Buddleia finally attracts the "right sort" of customer
-------------------
Not Clicking With the Facebook Crowd

Monday, July 30, 2007; A15

I'm a no-good, lowlife, antisocial, shunned, pathetic excuse for an 18-year-old.

Or so says my Facebook friend count, 161 -- 90 within my Washington network -- which recently began to plateau dishearteningly. Apparently, all my acquaintances, my classmates and the people I've "heard of" have already publicly befriended me, leaving me, a social-networking neophyte, foundering in the low three digits.

I've been through my friends' friends, my friends' cousins, random people I met once at parties, students from my old school, students from the college I won't attend until September -- but that D.C. total hasn't quite inched up to 100. It's drowning in a sea of friend totals triple its size.

Am I that unlikable? Why won't a few more people click that all-powerful button and friend me? (At the least, a few more of my 20-million-plus fellow Facebook users could write on my wall; with no new messages for three days, it's beginning to look a little bare.)

Facebook has brought to the forefront of my social life a necessity I seldom considered before selling my soul and signing up two months ago: friend quantity. Sure, we knew that the cool girls reigned in high school, but never before has such an unquestionably accurate popularity meter indicated down to the last individual your worth as a human being (or, at least, the precise number of people who thought you were worth the two seconds it takes to "friend" someone).

The quality of those people is, of course, far less important.

Emily Yoffe wrote about this phenomenon in Slate earlier this year, recounting what it was like to try to make friends online at 50-something. A Post reporter, Howard Kurtz, conducted a similar experiment last month. Yet I never thought that as an 18-year-old, a charter member of the Internet generation, I'd be having a comparable online experience, stressing about ways to enumerate my friends so other people will think I'm popular.

There are other stringent quantitative standards to meet, too. You should be "tagged" in at least a few hundred photos loaded onto other users' pages, a number that is displayed prominently below your profile picture. If not, you surely haven't attended enough parties or other social events to have moments worth photographing. Shame on you.

I occasionally scold myself for buying into the superficiality of online social networking. But to delete my profile would be to admit defeat, and what would my friends -- real and otherwise -- think if I gave in? Still, nothing can belie the masochism of logging in daily. A few mouse clicks reveal photos of parties to which I was not invited and wall-to-wall conversations regarding outings that no one bothered to tell me about.

Somehow, though, addicted and dead set on avoiding crippling uncoolness, I struggle on with Gatsby-like tenacity. A thousand "friends" is the new American Dream.

I may still harbor the hope that Facebook will shut down, allowing my social life to return to the solace of private text-messages and cellphone conversations. But in the meantime, I'm considering inviting a few (in-the-flesh) friends to a movie via e-mail. Hmmm. Given my stagnant social clout, maybe instead I'll write on their walls so all the world can see how great my plans are. Then all 161 of my friends (friends' cousins, one-time acquaintances, people I've never met) will know what I'm doing this weekend. I can't be unpopular if everyone knows I have such spectacular plans, right?

Maybe I'll take my camera and snap some great I'm-socially-content-and-having-a-grand-time photos while we're out.

Jennifer DeBerardinis is a freelance writer and student.